What are you going to do for Valentine's day?

Valentine’s Day is a double edge sword if you are having challenges in your relationship. I mean you are supposed to make one day be the day you show her how much you love her. How do you do this is she has said she may not be in love with you anymore?

Last year I wrote the Valentine's Day Playbook to help navigate this tricky day when you are having struggles in your relationship. The reality is this day, and how you handle it can feel like tremendous PRESSURE to your wife.

Going big with a gift when she hasn’t been intimate in months and does not even kiss you is needy and in my humble opinion, kind of pathetic. Trust me I have had this verified by women I know. Do not go big.

But you are also in the tricky spot, you can’t do nothing.

So what do you do?

Get her a card instead. And that's it.

A card is about all you need to do in that situation. Something to say “I love you.”

I believe that your actions throughout the year should make her feel loved.

Now a card is nice assuming you can find the right one. I admit I look for a card that expresses what I feel. Often it feels like the writer’s word vomited all over the card.

I have had many a year that I have stood in the card aisle and found myself muttering to myself after 20 minutes as no card seemed right. 

What have I done then?

• Sometimes I found a blank card and wrote something from the heart.

• Sometimes no card. Yes, birthday or Valentine’s day and I went with no card.

• A few times I found a child's Valentine's card and used that, adding hearts.

• Other times I just said that I could not find a card that was right.

You will find the card I bought for my girlfriend to the left, and I bought it at the dollar store!

Many of you are going through a tough time. So, is Valentine’s Day a blessing or a curse? The answer is yes.

What you do not want to create for your wife is PRESSURE.

I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

Do not spend a bunch of money on anything hoping to make her happy. The reality is this will make you look pathetic.

Now if you want to do something for her what about something small, thoughtful, that would be appreciated? A book you know she wants. Some bubble bath and an evening to enjoy it while you take the kids out? Can you knock out a project you have been saying you would take care of for her and have not for months? Any of these are better than a big flashy display.

If you have small kids how about taking them out? If you have daughters, how about a daddy-daughter Valentine’s date night? Give your wife a few hours of quiet time.

I don’t make a huge deal out of Valentine’s Day and I NEVER do flowers on it. Buying flowers on Valentine’s Day, a birthday, or Mother’s Day is just a lazy way out of finding a special gift in my opinion. I give flowers for no reason, on a Thursday.

As for me on Valentine’s Day I will be making dinner for my girlfriend and I. We will be staying in. I do plan on making my special dark chocolate-covered strawberries for the end of the night. Why? Because it has been a long time since I have, so I think it will be a nice touch.

We will go out to dinner or maybe lunch on Saturday. What am I getting her as a gift? I have no idea yet, but I have narrowed it down to two or three things. I will figure it out. So will you.

You got this!